January 11, 2006

As I'm writing this I'm listening to Michael Tolcher. The other day I watched an episode of Scrubs, heard the song they do at the end when they are wrapping the show up, loved it, googled "Scrubs Music," found Michael Tolcher. I'm not sure if he's acceptable to perceive as cool, but I perceive him cool.

Honestly, it's been a rough week. The holidays are over in retail world, which has left us picking up the pieces. I'm broke. I got pulled over for a burned out headlight last night going to meet someone before church, when I reached for my insurance I saw it was expired, and I also had an expired Inspection Sticker (which I was aware of.) At the Hub I found a new emotion-- the integration of hope and despair. We are spending this semester talking about the Fruit of the Spirit and Singleton and Dudley did a wonderful job at being co-speakers. Very creative and enjoyable and insightful. Seriously. But at the same time, I was sitting there and had this thought... I guess this is "moving on." I don't want to move on. I know we have to in order to be healthy, but I don't want to.

One of Kyle's brothers told me that someone who knows a lot about grief told him that as long as you are eating and sleeping well, and getting plenty of exercise, then whatever other feelings you have are pretty normal. I'm doing all three of those and I feel like, well, I feel as if I've lost my mojo. Does that make any sense?

I feel like Ed McMahon without Johnny Carson. Entertaining? Sure. Efficient, adequate, healty? Yeah. Relevant? Not so much.

I never expected this to be easy, so I guess my expectations have been lived up to.

In the meantime...

-- I'm heading to Lufkin tomorrow for a Disciple Now. Looking forward to it. A little nervous because it's been so long and because I know how bad I've probably screwed kids up before. But I'm a different person and this will be a different kind of DNOw.

-- I just got back from George's with Harris, Matt, Valerie, Laurel, Drew, Lacy, and Anthony. It was nice. Good to see Valerie who is still in town for the holidays. It's great to be around UBC these days.

-- Hey, did everyone see Tim dropped in to leave a comment? Tim is my friend in Germany and he rocks socks. Hey Tim! I miss you terribly and hate it that I never have my phone when you call. Can't wait for you to come back to Texas.

-- I was going to write a creative post about this, but I'll just leave the fancy words to real writers. Call me buddy, PLEASE!! When I wrote that, I seriously was afraid because I knew at least three people who read my blog (Blair, MOL, and Mark Penick) call me buddy. Kyle made it ok, so please, fear not.

-- I'll get my mojo back, don't you worry. But please pray for me. I need it.