Friday, October 15, 2004


I've had a secret for years now that I've been terrified to share for fear of the great shame it may bring upon my life. The reason I'm stepping forward now is because I realize I'm in very good company.

As I was reading yesterday the standard bearer of integrity in journalism, the great bastion of fair and accurate reporting, Star Magazine, I came across an article that brought hope to me because it made me realize I share the same affliction with the former Mrs. Cruise herself, Nicole Kidman.

I'm afraid of butterflies.

There, I said it. I cannot stand to be near a butterfly. I don't know what it is, but butterflies just are not right and they terrify the living hell out of me. Those wings are so thin and yet are controlled by the body of something that used to be a caterpillar and you never know what it's going to do next or what it's thinking and this world would be much better without butterflies. Yes they are pretty. Yes they make an easy craft project for people who love folding and cutting paper. No, they should not exist and I will not rest until every last one of them stays away from me for the rest of my life.

Perhaps Nicole will join me in my quest. We both could have strategy meetings at my house over dinner and a nice glass of Dr. Pepper. But no butterflies.

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