#5

Before I tell you about my Dreamgirl, I should get something out of the way.

I'm not gay.

(Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that. Or, rather, not that the wrongness or rightness of that has anything to do with this post...but I digress.)

I recently had a conversation about this with one of my few remaining single friends left in this town. He asked if I ever wonder that other people think I'm gay because I'm in my thirties and not married or attached. The truth is, when I was in my mid to late 20's, as he is, I did worry about that. But I slowly came to the realization that people will think what they want to think, regardless. Most in my hometown would get married at 12 if it was legal, so they will always raise their eyebrows at someone who is 32 and single.

It is possible, though, that the reason I'm not married is because of a guy. His name is Josh Harris and he began writing these Christian books against dating in the early 90's. I would give anything if I could tell you I didn't jump headfirst into the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" revolution, but I can't. I wasn't the most ardent disciple, but the movement did come along and affect me at a time when I should have been coming into my own in the area of relationships.

By the time I shed the puritanical fear of eternal damnation if I kissed or lusted or went on a date, I was living in Dallas and focusing on work and survival. I then went on a series of moves, eventually landing here in Waco. During this span of several years, I went on less than a dozen dates. In the meantime, I began focusing on spending as much time as possible with my close friends and also on shedding the effects of a lifetime of unhealthy living.

As a result of all of this, I became an adult all by myself. You could call me a single adult, as a million churches do these days, but that would be defining me by something you think I lack. If I'm 50 and still unmarried, I will still feel complete.

With all that said, a girl would be nice.

It should go without saying, that as a teenager my standards were purely physical. Blond, thin, pretty. The only requirements I had that weren't visible to the eyes was that she was breathing and had a pulse. Everything else was negotiable.

In my early 20's I would have gone for someone with the same physical atributes I wanted in my teens, but who "loved the lord" and wanted to have a family and devote her life to pleasing and taking care of her man. Beth Moore, without the preaching, if you will.

In my late 20's it was the opposite-- Strong, independent, already complete. I always said it would be someone who could live without me, but chose not to.

But the older I get the more my parameters seem to expand. Feminists, please don't stone me, but attractive is sill a must. (Although my tastes on what is "attractive" are much more diverse than they were at earlier times.) I want someone who wants a family AND who is devoted to whatever vocation she is passionate about. She has to look good in blue jeans. It'd be nice if she thinks I'm the funniest person in the world, even when I'm not. I'm still enough of a fundamentalist to hold to the "equally yoked" theory, so she should be a Christian (and pretty serious about her faith.) She doesn't have to be a Republican, but she shouldn't think I'm a sinner for being one. Someone who expects her husband to be financially set need not apply, for I received a liberal arts degree. She should know how to walk into a room and make it stop, or at least make me stop. I reserve the right to choose where we spend Christmas Eve (Lindale,) everything else is up to her. She can be loud or quiet, but annoying is out. She should like hanging out with my friends, and it'd be really hot if she could hold her own at Happy Hour. It'd also really turn me on if she made people think I was smarter than her, even though I probably won't be. Her friends shouldn't judge me. I'd like it if she breaks out in song and dance every now and then, and at least some of it should be country.

I could go on and on. But mostly, I'm holding out for someone who is my partner in the music video that is constantly going on in my head, which is to a song that encompasses all of life-- grief, joy, the mundane, and love.

Cue the cheese...