A Letter...

Dear Meredith, Izzy, O'Malley, Christina, Alex, and the rest of the fictional characters on Grey's Anatomy,

Some would choose to look down on you because you are all so pretty and have a lot of sex and jobs that ensure financial independence. While I wouldn't necessarily choose your lives, I don't condemn you for them either. And I most assuredly do not envy you.

Your days are brimming full with the potential of death. It's in your hands and flows through the wires of your pagers and phones. You look people in the eyes and say the most dreadful words. "I'm sorry..."

You do have one advantage over us, though. Somewhere someone outside of your world is flipping through an extensive CD collection looking for the perfect song to translate your pain into a language I, the viewer, can understand.

When I stood in the room with him, there was no music. Never in my life has so much of my surroundings disappeared into nothingness, leaving just me and my grief and the body of my friend. My breath was taken away. I was stabbed. I drowned.

But no music.

In the corrider I escaped to and in the private stairwell and at the ranch that night I felt trapped, ambushed. Without a soundtrack.

But I can't be too hard on you. You do have to deal with the fate of us nonfictional characters-- You bear the burden everyday of those watching you forgetting about your pain. When your drama is over I don't think about you for another week. Maybe that is best. Sometimes having all eyes on you can be kind of stressful.

I'll give you your space, if you give me mine.

I guess that's all I have to say right now. Keep doing what you are doing. Whether you acknowledge it or not, God uses you. So be diligent and do not grow weary. There's a song I'm listening to right now by this guy named Rich Mullins. I'd like to share the lyrics with you. It relaxes me. It reminds me that God is in control, but not in the same way people who say "God is in control," mean. But that is another story altogether. Maybe sometime later I'll go into that deeper. In the meantime, here are the words. Go buy the album. You have the money...

Home

I see the morning moving over the hills
I can see the shadows on the western side
And all those illusions that I had
They just vanish in Your light
I can feel the warmth of morning on my face
Though the chill in the night still hangs in the air
Though the storm had tossed me
'Til I thought I'd nearly lost my way

And now the night is fading and the storm is past
And everything that could be shaken was shaken
And all that remains is all I ever really had

What I'd have settled for
You've blown so far away
What You brought me to
I thought I could not reach
And I came so close to giving up
But You never did give up on me
I see the morning moving over the hills
I feel the rush of life here where the darkness broke
And I am in You and You're in me
Here where the winds of Heaven blow

And now the night is fading
And the storm is through
And everything You sent to shake me
From my dreams they come to wake me
In the love I find in You
And now the morning comes
And everything that really matters
Become the wings You send to gather me
To my home
To my home
I'm going home