Names...

I have some advice. If there is a restaurant or retail store you visit on a regular basis, you should let the staff know your name fairly quickly. If you don't, they will make one up for you, and you may not like it. Trust me on this.

Bavarian Phenology came into the store a few years ago on a quest to demean anyone and everyone who came across his path. He told a bookseller that we didn't have anything of substance, but he guessed that was typical since no one in Waco could read beyond a Hallmark greeting card level anyway. He asked for a title which we know doesn't exist because it doesn't appear in our search engine, which has just about every book that has ever existed. He argued for a while. Our bookseller finally asked if there was anything else she could do for him. He said he was looking for a book about certain subject, but that she was probably too dumb to even understand what he was asking about. She asked him to make an attempt. He told her he was looking for a book exploring how the weather patterns in an ancient region in what is now southern Germany affected the migration patterns of a certain bird. She thought about it for a split second and replied "So, you're looking for something on Bavarian Phenology?" The embarrassed look on his faced was worth a million dollars in gold. From that moment on Julius (his real name) became Bavarian Phenology.

I found out the other day that Check Man is really named Carl. But Carl will never be Carl to me because ever since I have been working at B&N Carl has come to our cafe ten minutes before we close on Sundays to purchase a Venti Pepsi and to sit down to balance his checkbook. Occasionally Check Man throws me for a loop and comes in on a Saturday night. I kid you not, when this happens I seriously begin to question whether or not the day is actually Sunday. The first time it happened I freaked out because I thought I had forgotten to go to church. One time Check Man thought he lost his check book and accused me of knowing who took it and of suppressing the truth. He found it at home later and came back to apologize. I suspect Check Man has mental issues stemming from combat of some kind, but he is generally a very nice man.

Our newest I have dubbed "Crazy Crystal on the Head Lady." Crazy Crystal on the Head Lady is the bad parent of a very well behaved 6th grade girl. The reason I know the girl is in 6th grade is because the first time I remember them coming into the store was to find a book about how to succeed in 6th grade. The reason I know Crazy Crystal on the Head Lady is a bad parent is because she came into the store with her daughter at 9:45 p.m. the day before Waco schools began this past fall. Who has their 6th grader out at 9:45 p.m. the night before school? Crazy Crystal on the Head Lady wears a beaded head thingy with a crystal hanging down her forehead. She's crazy, as she occasionally wears a T-Shirt advertising her phone number, which you can call if you want information on obtaining healing crystals. I really shouldn't be this judgemental, but I swear Crazy Crystal on the Head Lady is just plain crazy.

So if you are going to frequent a place, and especially if you are a wacko, you may want to introduce yourself very quickly.