Thanks to everyone who has sent emails and called during my two week funk. A lot of stuff had to do with my work situation. But reflecting on things I've realized it's more than that. The past few weeks have ushered in the first summer without Kyle. Summers with Kyle meant sneaking away to movies in the middle of the day and playing hours on end of Mario Cart at the church. Margaritas and hanging out at the pool and getting away to his family's ranch on the spur of the moment. Everything that makes a good Kenny Chesney song was what went into being friends with Kyle in the summer.
There's an interesting thing about this process of grief. During the first few months after the accident I would cry and feel extreme anguish over Kyle's absence. But I'm slowly starting to realize that a lot of the pain now has to do with his presence. Weird, isn't it? There was a time several months ago when just the mention of his name in conversation caused all our eyes to well up and throats totighten. Now we talk about him as if he'll just walk back around the corner any minute now. It all seems a little backward to me. But hey, I didn't invent the rules. I just have to live with them.