Saturday, July 15, 2006

Melancholy...

For the most part my summer has been a happy experience, much as Harris has described it. But for the past few days my emotions have been the B sides of those verses in Ecclesiastes that say there's a time for the good stuff and a time for the bad stuff.

With every disappointment at work at every fear of change and every frustration I have with people, I feel I'm back in the backside at church, watching Kyle slip around that corner after peaking in to smile and giggle at me. But this time I know he's not coming back and I've lost my main confidante, the one who listened the most and cared about my everyday life more genuinely than anyone else in the entire world.

Adding to my tears as the sun sets tonight over Waco are some lyrics from Emmylou Harris' Bang the Drum Slowly-- "Gone now is the day, and gone the sun/ There is peace tonight all over Arlington/ But the song of my life will still be sung/ By the light of the moon you hung." The song tears my insides out.

I know we win in the end. And I'm not just saying that. I really believe all that good stuff about the future hope we have been given because Christ defeated death and that we will also be victors. I grew up singing Victory in Jesus and That Uncloudy Day and am no longer cynical about that eschatological DNA that flows through my blood.

But that doesn't make me less tired of all the bullshit that I have to put up with without having Kyle here. It's hard for me to remember what life was like before him and I am baffled at the fact I've made it this long without him.

3 comments:

amy said...

Craig-I cannot imagine how deep your sadness is, at least for the here & now. You've got my prayers.

lisette said...

Ok, I really need to give you some feel good music and/or movies to listen to and watch. I've got some good ones. How about a little Head to Toe from Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam? A bit of Istanbul (Not Constantinople) from They Might Be Giants? Movies: I've got Dodgeball, Wedding Crashers, all the Kevin Smith movies, other funny stuff. Let me know if you'd like to borrow something...you know that laughter (and singing along to fun songs) is the only way I can help with stuff like this for myself and others, but I know it works!

Luke Smith said...

Craig,
You and your church continue to be in my prayers. I once heard a sermon by Gardner Taylor (a recording) in which he retold the story of Job's meeting with three friends. He said Job's friends came and sat with him for seven days and seven nights and then they spoke too soon. You may not remember but at our orientation in Dallas for the summer trip the first orientation in the spring we had to sit in a circle and share our favorite memory verse. I don't remember which verse I mentioned. But I do remember which one you mentioned. I had to look it up. Lamentations 3:23. Peace...Luke Smith