My Week Without People

This week has gone by much quicker than I thought it would have. I've done absolutely nothing, but have gotten a lot done, if that makes any sense.

I finally finished reading Blue Like Jazz. What a wonderful book. Several things came to mind as I was reading it. And I will tell you a couple of them at this moment.

1. I am extremely judgmental to conservatives and fundamentalists and evangelical Christians. How can someone like myself who thinks so much about grace and mercy and diversity and how there is an abundance of valid and vital Christian perspectives on the world, be so condemning in my mind towards certain people. I think when we go through a period of our lives when we don't' like ourselves, and then move out of that period, we take everything about ourselves at that time and demonize it. Therefore, if someone holds the same beliefs I did at a time when I couldn't stand myself, I'm going to judge them, not based on who they are but the beliefs they hold. I'm a shallow, shallow man.

2. For a couple of years now I have lost total perspective on mission. Not "missions" but mission. I don't believe in many (most) evangelical "witnessing techniques." I've learned that there is tons to be learned about Christlike behavior by watching the "lost" people live. I try not to see Christians and non Christians as "us" and "them." But I've also come to realize that there needs to be at least some intentionality in how we engage those outside of the church with the gospel. I'm not sure what that looks like, but I know I want to find out.

In the book Donald Miller and some of his Christian friends at his university decided to build a confession booth in the middle of a campus wide party dedicated to debauchery of all kinds. But the catch was that when the students entered it, as they inevitably would out of curiosity, the people doing the confessing weren't the partiers, the people doing the confessing were the Christians. He and his friends decided it was time to apologize for the Crusades, even though it happened so long ago. It was time to apologize that the Christian community hadn't done enough about social justice. But most of all, they were apologizing for all the mistreatment the non-Christians have ever received at the hands of Christians.

I grieve for the times I treated those outside of the church as commodities in a cosmic game of "winning" and "losing." I grieve for anytime I ever passed a track out to someone, cheapening the gospel I hold so dear. But I also grieve for the times when I've chosen to disengage all Christian-speak from people for whom Jesus came, just because I didn't want to be thought of as one of "those" Christians.

In Other News Somewhat unrelated to "Blue Like Jazz....."

1. Last night I started reading Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs.



If you ever need another reason to believe that we lived in a fallen, messed up (oh how another word here would be so appropriate,) world, read this book. This is the childhood memoir of Augusten Burroughs. On every single page of the book so far there has been at least one point when my mouth was wide open in utter disbelief at what this kid went through. Much of it is inappropriate to mention, even on my seedy, immoral place on the web. At one point last night I even found myself on the verge of tears because of this particular experience he had. I hope this guy has had some good therapy since his childhood.

2. I found out today that I had a warrant out for my arrest. Yes it is true. As I was going through some of my paperwork I ran across an unpaid ticket from a year and ago in Hewitt. I suddenly remembered the ticket but couldn't remember if I had paid for it. So I promptly called the City of Hewitt and found out that no, I have not paid it and if I get stopped by a cop I would be sent directly to jail. So a 25 mph drive to Hewitt and $400 later, I'm no longer a fugitive. I'm as broke as I've ever been.

3. I've been taking advantage of the extra time by working out a little more. Two and a half weeks now and I haven't quit. I'm not losing weight like I had hoped, but I'm feeling much better. Today I "treated" myself to an entire hour on the elliptical machine. It was great. I felt like the Rocky IV Rocky. Bring on the Commies!!

4. In the past two weeks I've sat across the table from two friends, one close and one semi-close, on separate occasions, who let me know that they now consider God either non-existent or irrelevant. What do you say in that situation? I know we are to be ready at all times to give a reason for the hope we have within us, but what do you do when those people know all the answers and, indeed, have even preached those answers before? All I could do was sit there and listen, and not say anything. I don't live their lives. I could never understand what they're going through. But, I'll continue to be their friend. I'll continue to sit across the table from them. The best I can hope for is that how I experience God will be attractive in some way to them.

6. I miss pine trees. I miss the wonderful East Texas forest that surrounds you and, if you let it, protects you and nurtures you.

5. Alright Kyle and Jen and Avery and Jude and Sutton and Ben and Jamie and Wesley and Tracey and Valerie and Matt and Tim and everyone else at UBC, it's time for you to come back home. Ye who are weary, come home. Blake, it's time for you to be done with school and come home (or a little closer to home,) with your wonderful bride with whom I can't wait to be initiated into "the family." Jason, Christy, it's time you come back home. Robert, it's time for you to make Waco your home. You are all the music of my life. Without you all, who have become my family so much that I tear up just typing this, the presence of God diminishes drastically in my life. I love you all and wish you a safe return home.