Sunday, July 11, 2004

Back to the Grind...

I've been a lazy blogger, but I'm going to try to stop being lazy. I spend what little creative juice I have on an ETBU alumni board and have neglected this. The next few days will probably be just a bunch of rambling, but it's probably necessary to get my footing and to get back in the habit, so bear with me.

The Weekend...

This has been a wonderful weekend. About once every three or four months the stars will align and I'll have a normal weekend where I get off of work at 4:00 on Friday and don't go back until 7:00 a.m. on Monday. Working retail makes that such a rare happening, but it's rarity makes it that much more special.

I spent most of Friday night and Saturday hanging out with Jason and Christy who have been housesitting out in Woodway. That was so refreshing and healing for me. I haven't really had contact with a lot of people this summer. I've kind of been a recluse, going from work to workout to home to bed. I felt like a kid again, hanging out with friends on a Friday night and then, not having anything in particular to do on Saturday, hanging out with the same friends again. From Friday night to Saturday night we all watched two movies, Jason and I spent Saturday hanging out at my place then eating at a hole-in-the-wall bbq place then playing Madden for a couple of hours then playing tennis in the heat. In between that was good conversation, laughing, and sharing very sacred, silent moments. It was holy ground. Seriously.

The Big Thing...

Well, most of you who have seen me over the past few weeks have noticed and commented, so I guess I'll finally take time to address it on my blog. To answer your questions, in 3 pounds I will have lost 50 pounds. I have diet shakes when I don't want to cook or go out (which is a lot these days.) I've given up Dr. Pepper, except when I am eating out, then I treat myself. When I do eat real meals I'm eating less. I understand that food is a social event that creates and reinforces bonds, so when I go out I don't do anything different than I normally do-- I eat what looks good and a lot of it. Oh yeah, and about an hour a day (and I'm up to 10 miles in an hour) on an elliptical machine at the 'Y', walks around the neighborhood when I'm bored, and a lot of water. That's about it.

Why? In January I saw a picture of me at Jason and Christy's rehearsal dinner and told myself "Whoa, that doesn't look good." So I told myself I didn't want to look like that anymore. So there you have it.

I appreciate and enjoy the comments because they make me feel like a rock star. But they are a double edged sword because, in my mind, a positive comment about my thinner self is a negative comment on my fatter self, and why are you making negative comments about me? I'm kind of a girl that way.

If you've never struggled with weight it's hard for you to understand what many of us go through. I'm someone with pretty good self-confidence and it's difficult for me to talk about and discuss weight issues. I can't imagine what people without solid communities go through.

Some people feel sorry for the girls (and guys) on the Bear trail who struggle with self-image and are running from the body that society hates and toward the one it reveres. I don't have that much sympathy for those types. Mostly because those people have daddy's money and should be using it for a good therapist. I feel more sorry for those, like myself, who are not trapped in a cage of perfection created by wealth and status, but rather a cage of poor eating habits carried throughout the generations.

But anyway, that's all I have to say about that.

Right now I'm listenign to Wynonna Judd's "What the World Needs Now..." album.

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