It's been quite a few days, and I have a lot to say, so let's get this party under way.


The Thing I mentioned on Thursday

Unless you are Eminem, you've probably noticed I use the occasional expletive in my blog. Especially if you read my post from December 5. (Eminem, if for some reason you are reading this, the words in question are damn, bitch, bastard, fuck, fuckwad, etc.... Many people believe these are expletives. By the way, thanks for reading, I love your work.)

Well, somehow people from ETBU accidently got a hold of my blog. I don't know how that happened. All I did was post it on an alumni message board. I was trying to keep it secret, then people started reading that message board. Early last week I get an email from a guy I respect a lot. This person was instrumental in helping me to grow intellectually and in seeing the world in ways I'd never seen them before. He has his flaws, but I still think a lot of him. He sends me this note in a tone that suggests severe shock and disbelief, questioning my "attempts at authenticity" as he put it. What a horrible thing to say... "If this is your attempt at authenticity...."

A couple of weeks ago I was eating breakfast with a friend of mine (another former ETBU'er,) and he told me about this dream he had. He was at this fork in the road and all the people who loved him and were a part of his life encouraged him to pick a path and go down it. So he picked a path, things started going good, and he heard all those people who encouraged him to branch out from behind him.... He looked back only to find they all had guns and started shooting him.

And that's what I felt like when I got that email.

Something intersting then happened. I became more possesed with confidence in sharing where I am to this person in a way I had never before experienced. I sent a reply email that, I feel, affirmed him and let him know how special he is to me, but at the same time lit into him for what I feel was the straining at gnats.

I HATE confrontation and any email or phone call or confrontation I participate in that is confrontational in nature, usually finds me shaking in my boots going into it and feeling absolutely horrible going out of it. This time was different. I felt extremely good about myself after doing it. I'm not glad it happened, but I'm glad I responded the way I did.