Wednesday, October 01, 2008

I Often Do Not Heart Customers...

Somewhere along the way I became a smart ass. I suppose this is the lot of anyone working retail for an extended season of their life. Just when I get tired of belaboring the point of rudeness and immaturity, someone ups and does something that just elicits a hearty "Wow!"

Sometime in the a.m., in the kids section.

Can I help you with something m'am?

Yes, my brother bought these magazines for me yesterday and the guy up front says I can't return them.

Yes m'am. I'm sorry, but we have a strict return policy on magazines. We technically aren't allowed to return them at all, but especially if it's not on the same day of purchase.

Well, it's been less than 24 hours.

I understand and I apologize, but its not within the same calendar day.

This really disappoints me.

I really am terribly sorry. Is there something I can help you find?

No, not really.

Ok, well just let me know if there's something else I can do.

(Halfway between the children's department and the door, throwing the bag of magazines up at a velocity that it hits the high ceiling...) You can keep your damn magazines!

(In a state of disbelief...) Wow. M'am, thanks for responding with so much maturity.

I'm going to remember this!

Well, we hate to lose your business.

You can kiss my ass!

(Continued state of disbelief, only without words.)

(As the lady exits the door, approaches entering customer) Don't by anything from them, they won't take it back!


I have no pretensions that my zingers were especially funny. In fact, like George Costanza I have since come up with numerous comebacks that would have been much more devastating. But alas, you only have the moment and you can't go back.


Anonymous said...

There ought do be a sniglet (remember those?) for "clever comebacks one wishes one had uttered but now it's too late".

Melissa said...

Too funny!

Lauren said...

That is SO ridiculous!

Patrick said...

This is my best comeback ever, but you can use it sometime.

Act like you've lost your balance for a second, and then say, "Whoa! Did you feel that?!? It felt like the earth was revolving around you for a minute - but I guess it's not."

jenA said...

AWESOME. someday that scene must end up in another movie about working retail.

Aaron said...

What would George Costanza say?

"I'm sorry, we can't take the magazines back, but if you try the jerk store they might take YOU back!"

brian (for real?) for real said...

Yeah this is incredible. I've had similar experiences with the sbux.