The past week has seriously gone by in a haze. I guess technically I was only sick for three days, but it has definitely taken it's toll for longer than that. I used to think it would be cool to have chronic fatigue syndrome, but not anymore. It's fun laying on the couch for hours on end when you want to. But when you do it out of necessity...not so much fun. I feel I may be coming out of it, but I've felt that before.
Being sick reinforces the interconnectivity of all reality. Those who hold to a strict separation between the spiritual, physical, emotional, and social sides of human behavior have never experienced illness. Avoid like the plague those who would sit down over coffee and tell the each other, "Let's forget about all the other stuff and focus on the 'spiritual' things today." These people are not wanting to talk spiritual. They are wanting to explore ways to become part of the elite, the chosen.
My spiritual reality is that when we sang "How Great" today in church, I was singing but thinking to myself "You know, I'm not really sure who or what is that great right now." And when Crowder began "Come Awake," I had no pretension about what would be gong through my mind when I sang it. No ideas of general resurrection. No thoughts of Easter or how God metaphorically brings all things to life again. My weakened body would have none of that and all I could think about was that my closest friend was here for my birthday last year and not this year and I was literally singing for him to come awake.
I think this is Christian spirituality in it's most raw form... Refusing to let a clear mind get in the way of what is in the deepest part of your soul. Sickness will deprive you of a clear mind. It makes it difficult to operate heavy machinery, but easier to stand face to face with the creator of the universe.*
(*Disclaimer: I believe a clear mind plays a role in Christian spirituality as well. So don't stone me you foundationalists, or revelatory foundationalists.)