I got up this morning and messed around. Decided to go to Dallas to look for a Halloween costume and to see if my friend Brent was free for lunch. He is one of my best friends. We met working at Timberline back in '91 and have been close friends ever since. Roomed together in college. I used to talk to him almost every day. This year, though, we've really grown apart. I haven't talked to him in a couple of months, and hadn't seen him since January, until today. We met up in Deep Ellum which is right next door to Baylor Hospital where he works. It was cool catching up with him and sharing our knowledge of what's been going on with the rest of our friends.

The cool part of the day was when I came back. Tim found out that Dr. Beck was giving a "Last Lecture." Appearantly Campus Living and Learning started this thing last year where they'd have a distingushed faculty give a lecture as if it was their last. Dr. Beck was my favorite seminary professor, and right on up there with Dr. Tankersley, Mr. Yancey, and Mrs. Fisher as my all time favorite teachers.

In her lecture she explored three questions: What is my purpose? When do you say enough is enough? and Why do I get up in the morning. It was wonderful.

The thing that really hit home was the part about when enough is enough. I read that on the paper and was thinking it probably had something to do with when is it ok to stand up for yourself, or something like that. But she actually talked about possesions. She encouraged us to ask the question, is what we have more than enough, and if so, is it too much? She talked about St. Francis of Assisi who founded the Franciscan order, and how he never took any possesion that didn't ultimately bring joy to himself and other people. In other words, when he had the opportunity to have more stuff, he always asked himself, "Will this really bring me joy." He found that really the only things that bring true joy are God and people.

I have wrestled with these ideas for several years now. I'm pretty sure where I stand spiritually and very sure that how I live doesn't match up with what I believe. I have WAY too much shit. I spent over fifty fucking dollars on a damn halloween costume today. I've got more food in my pantry than I could possibly eat in a couple of weeks, and yet about every other day I spend a shitload of money at some restaurant.

Not really sure what all this means, but I know I need to change.